This next entry just like the last one was inspired by a conversation going on between some friends of mine. My friends, I am starting to realize, are becoming a really good source for blog material! The topic was relationships and this area always become emotionally charged because most people's opinions are divided among gender lines. I am going to try to be as objective as possible with my thoughts ;)
When it comes to relationships I think most people especially women have completely unrealistic expectations of what their relationship is supposed to be like or who their ideal mate is supposed to be. For the most part, men have unrealistic expectations as well but on a completely different end of the emotion spectrum. Most of us admittedly aren't as forthcoming as our women would like us to be in the infancy stages of the courtship. (How's that for objectivity?)
Most of us come into relationships with literally too much emotional baggage and we expect someone that we are trying to build something with to accomodate us and our luggage! Think about it. Would you walk into someone's house that you barely knew with a six-piece set of Samsonite baggage and say "Okay, where am I sleeping?" No! Of course you wouldn't because it is completely rude #1 and that person doesn't even know you all that well to deal with your shit! But this is what people do in building a relationship with someone. How are you going to build this house with someone that you really care about when you still have these emotional obstacles that are disallowing you from getting close to this person? Now we all have issues and things about us that people might find hard to deal with. I know I do. I've been told that I was ego-centric, aggressive(I like to call it assertive), blunt, an asshole, controlling, aloof, distant, and many other names. LOL! But for all those "negative" traits, they can be interpreted in other settings as positive depending on the situation. I like to think of myself as confident, assertive, sincere, and visionary. Yes, that is what I am...
The point is that you have to be able to find someone that is willing to deal with all sides of you, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the random. Before you commit yourself to someone you better know who you are as a person and be comfortable in your own skin. This is paramount for both parties because whoever you end up with should be able to bring out the best in you and if they know you well enough, the worst as well. In the words of Of Mary J. Blige(my baby), "Take me as I am"
Ladies, I think you all should be a little bit more realistic in choosing your mate. By no means am I saying that you should settle but be prudent. Be honest with yourself and your mate. Don't confuse what you would like for your mate to be with what is best for you. For us men, I think we are fine and we don't need advice. . . No but seriously we just need to be more straight up with ourselves and our women. If you just looking for a jumpoff right now, let her know off top! I tried the honesty thing one time and it worked! On the flip side of things, if you are starting to fall for her, don't hold back. It's one of the ways to get a true gut-check on where you both stand. Those are my thoughts, I'm out, peace!
ps-On a completely unrelated note, "Did you anybody see the Giants go into Texas and handle business against the The Cowboys? I have never really been a Giant fan but I'm always going for the home team. Next up, Green Bay Packers!
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6 comments:
I guess. Most men are not looking for relationships. I think when they are ready, they settle down. Until then.. the games continue.
So I doubt the Samsonite 6-piece matters.. The game will be the game.
I think that many men miss out on good opportunities while playing the game. But, at the end of the day, it's their loss.
What you're saying about unrealistic expectations is total BULLSHIT! If women required men to be on their best behavior, they would be. But since there will always be chickens who let men do whatever the hell they want to, there are no standards anymore.
My bottom line is...you have to be on your best behavior to get down with me. I'm not going to compromise what I want and what I expect in a relationship just get get someone to commit. I know my worth. I know that I'm worth at least 17 chickens and 12 average chicks. So....my thing is... if you're the kind of guy who wants to have his cake and eat it too...I can see your game a mile away (game recognize game) and I'm not interested. It really is that simple for me.
17 chickens and 12 average chicks. How did you come up with that calculation? I agree with you. If women did know their worth then we would be on our best behavior. But unfortunately, a lot of women don't and opportunistic men are going to continue to exploit these women as long it is allowed. I have always said that women could run the world if they wanted to because of that Power-U but emotions tend to cloud judgement and women are naturally more emotional than men
The Giants suck! But they definitely killed my 'boys last night. And TO was worse than Hillary with the crying. I'll be dealing with him a little later. (Giants still suck!)
AAAAAAAhhhhh, well, that's just a ballpark estimate. I've been told that I'm extraordinary in more than one way.
Anyway....the heart of the matter for me is a bit two fold. Personally, I feel like there aren't many dudes that I'm interested in foxing with. And, maybe my filter is hard to get through. I think I deserve that much. I spent a lot of time making personal sacrifices to get the life that I want for myself, why should I share or sacrifice any of that for someone who is going to bench me when some easy trick opens her legs?
I look for a level of maturity. Someone who isn't afraid to be like... "Kim, I'm feeling you..." I don't read minds.
It boils down to this for me: If you're not feeling me, then I'm going to move it along to the next cat, but don't get mad when I don't call you to kick it. That's a waste of my time. I'm not trying to build friendships! I have plenty of friends. PLENTY!
I've had my heart broken twice, and I refuse to let it happen again. I feel like heartbreak happens when men are being coy or when they are looking for greener pastures while pledging their love for you.
Boys are dumb...so I always tell them when I like them. There's a story behind that. Let me know if you want to hear it. It's both tragic and empowering!
Are men intimidated by intelligent or successful women? I want to know. I was telling Curiosity about this dude I have been talking to who has these long pauses...and how they annoy me. I know that I move like a million miles a minute, but I don't think a man should be intimidated to the point where everything he says is expected to be profound. I'm probably only profound 10% of the time...and it annoys me that men think they have to be super smart around me. I prefer men who are super normal. Any thoughts?
I think both males and females have unrealistic ideas when it comes to relationships and mates similar to our expectations about everything else (jobs, food, movies, etc...). As humans beings we let our imaginations run wild at times and always expect the absolute best or look at our futures as if we live in perfect worlds but I think as we get older and mature we realize how imperfect our world is and especially how difficult relationships can be to obtain and maintain. Ultimately we learn to prioritize and compromise. We prioritze those characteristics about the opposite sex that are important to us and have a split list of those things we will not compromise like those that we can live with or without and then everything becomes more realistic.
With saying all of that, I also believe (because I am a romantic)that when you meet that one person you will know because all of their positives will turn their negatives into neutrals where you don't care because they are so minute compared to everything else. I think that is it. But in order to get that far you can't bring all six bags (maybe one or two) into the relationship with you. You have to be open and let yourself get close to that person, regardless of how scared you may be. Life is full of heartbreak but you can't let the last failed relationship (jerk) hold you back from a great one.
I was at a wedding a while ago and the Pastor said,"you marry the one you can't live without not the one you can live with." I truly believe that.
Ps. I am going for Green Bay, One time for the MIDWEST!!!!
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